The last several weeks have been, quite frankly, overwhelming. I mentioned earlier that my back was starting to bother me. Something about three babies in three years? Since then, I've started twice-weekly physical therapy to strengthen my out-of-whack hip joint. I'm still in nearly constant pain, but I'm starting to feel some occasional relief -- which is, well, a relief. I also discovered at my last check-up that I was anemic, which explained the first-trimester exhaustion I was feeling. And on top of all that, I've been battling a nasty cold (which appears to be turning into a sinus infection) for over a week now.
So I reached a breaking point. Things have been less than normal, but I've been trying to carry on as if everything was fine. Instead of shifting into survival mode, me and my big prideful self have been trying to be supermom. (I think sometime last week I rattled off something to Michael about planning curriculum for Phoebe? She's two-and-a-half. Seriously, Sarah?) And in pretending nothing was wrong, I earned myself a heaping helping of burnout.
Michael informed me that it was time to do some letting go. We started analyzing things that I was doing that were causing my physical pain, as well as things that were taking too much energy - both mental and physical. I'm having to shift myself into survival mode about ten weeks earlier than I'd planned, and it's hard. I hate being out of control, and my pride takes a hit every time I set out paper plates for dinner and have to ask for help unloading the dishwasher.
Oh, how confident I am in my own strength! But the Lord says to me, as he said to Paul in 2 Corinthians,
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
In my self-sufficient, carefully orchestrated days, I so often remove my own need for supernatural power. If I can handle things on my own, what need do I have for grace? As I continue to let go over these next several weeks, I am so thankful for sufficient grace!