As I tucked tiny newborn-size diapers into a basket, I marveled at how tiny newborns really are. Is it true that the two small girls in my house ever wore these tiny diapers? (They did, for the record. Phoebe for at least two months, and Nora even wore preemie diapers for a time.) As I cracked open a new bottle of Dreft and poured it over a small load of tiny new gowns and socks, I was overcome with imaginings of this new baby to come -- wearing these clothes, snuggled in our arms. And it's all starting to become real. We are having a baby.
It's a good thing that it's starting to click, because we're actually having a baby tomorrow. People have been asking me, "Are you ready?" And the answer is absolutely not. And absolutely yes.
I am absolutely not ready for the new that comes with a newborn. Yes, there are clothes washed, a crib (sort of) set up, and a car seat installed... but the newborn transition is always challenging. With this baby more than the others, I really feel like I'm having to step out in faith for God's provision. Newborns are humbling and hard, and there are few things that cause my sin to bubble up like sleep deprivation. And yet, I know that God is faithful to sustain me (us) and provide. He gently cares for us, shepherding us, teaching us, sanctifying us.
But at the same time, I am absolutely ready for this baby. My body is ready, but even moreso, my heart is ready. I cannot wait to meet her, to hold her, to get to know her. I'm longing to see her all wrapped up in those blue and white hospital blankets and to count her tiny fingers and toes. I'm eager to see her with her sisters and to know her alone. I cannot wait to see how perfectly she was formed, God's perfect plan for our family and for this time.
We covet your prayers as we head to the hospital early tomorrow morning for a scheduled induction. I cannot wait to introduce the world to our little Ruthie!
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