Saturday, January 22, 2011

Where I Don't Have it All Together

Tuesday was really hard.  Hardest day in recent memory, actually.  I cried pretty much all morning, especially when Michael left for work. (At that moment, I was sobbing in the bathroom, hiding out.)  I honestly have no idea what set me off.  I’d been in a difficult spot all morning, feeling rotten, tired, and just plain emotional.  The kids were emotional, the garbage disposal (just-filled with uneaten oatmeal) stopped working, and I was not in the mood to be a grownup.  

Honestly, I needed a serious spanking.  For me.  I knew what needed to be done.  I needed to take a time out, get my heart right, repent, then repent to my kids and my husband, and start the day afresh.

Instead, I continued to mope about.  And then I did what any sensible mother does on a rotten day:  I loaded up the kids and took them to Chick-fil-A.  

Instead of dealing with my angry, selfish, emotional little mess of a heart, I figured that a day out of the house would be just what we needed.  We’d come home, and we’d all be magically better.   I found out (after dealing with an emotional two-year-old at the Chicken House) that it just doesn’t work that way.

We came home, and my heart was still in really ugly shape.  I snapped at my kids more.  I cried more.  When Michael left after lunch, I was crying...again.  Bless his heart.

After practically throwing my children in bed at naptime, I finally realized that a little heart surgery was necessary.  After unloading on my sweet friend Pam, who cleans my house every couple of weeks (and showed up mid-sobfest, as Michael was heading out the door), I sat in the quiet and worked through the morning.

And after a (miraculously long) naptime, the Lord graciously restored fellowship.  We were able to laugh together, and I wanted to hold my sweet babies.  I didn’t have answers, and I didn’t “do” anything special; the redemption of the afternoon belongs solely to the Lord.  In the evening, as I snuggled warm tummies in fleecy jammies, singing praise songs and combing out tangles, I could only praise Him for the miracle that He’d worked.   

He is the God of redemption, who picks up our broken pieces, who makes all things beautiful, who binds up our broken hearts, who gives rest to the weary.  He is merciful, and He is with us.  


Jenny said...

proud of you.
missing you.
love you.

glad your rotten day ended on a high note... :)

Kelly said...

this post was more of a blessing than you know. love you!

~allison~ said...

You are so such a blessing to so many people, Sarah. Thank you for sharing and setting such a wonderful example....even if it took several hours to figure it out! Your children are blessed to call you "Mommy."

I saw your sweet mom yesterday and it was such a blessing to speak with her for a few minutes. I just love you and your family!

Anonymous said...

And His mercies are new and fresh.....all the time! HUGS to you sweet friend! Karen

Daniel and Duski said...

Thanks for being intentional about sharing the "yuckies," too...and how God works in the midst of the normal, day-to-day life of a mother. I really appreciate how real this was!