These past few weeks have been unbelievably hard. As in, these have been the hardest few weeks of my life. In less than a month, our roller coaster ride has included two hospitalizations, one new family member, a two thousand dollar furnace, two new teeth, and a stomach virus. Add to that sleep deprivation, and you have an award winning recipe for despair.
The days have started to blur together. Between Phoebe and Nora, there is seldom a moment in the day when I'm not with one of them. Which is truly a wonderful thing, but I often find myself wondering: will I ever settle into a routine? Will this ever become normal?
I do a lot of wondering about our days to come. I look at the (clean) laundry covering every inch of the dining room table, and I wonder if I'll manage to put it away before we wear it all. As I consider suppertime, I wonder if I'll be able to get something that wasn't delivered or previously frozen on the table at a decent hour. As I watch Phoebe entertain herself with a basket of books, I wonder if I will ever be able to plan some "just us" time into the day. A lot of days, I wonder if I'll make it through the day without a lengthy, ugly cry.
If I look at these days to come, it is so easy for me despair. I don't easily see the hope for "normal" in these coming days. It honestly feels like we'll be in this survival, just-getting-by mode for, well, ever. My head knows that's not true, but it just doesn't feel that way, most of the time.
Friday (the 31st), I was reading Proverbs 31. I almost skipped it, because I really did not want to think about the Proverbs 31 woman that I so am not right now. (Okay, I don't resemble her when things are normal, either.) But as I read it, I was drawn to verse twenty-five:
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25
The days to come don't always look good. Not for me, not for you... not for anybody, really. But the thought that I can -- and should -- be strong and take a lighthearted approach to what's to come. Instead of dwelling on the frustrating things about what's to come, I'm trying to remember to look for reasons to laugh.
Have you laughed today?
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4 comments:
I can totally sympathize! I am feeling much the same way. I feel like we are just surviving each day. I pray that we will both find workable routine and that we will enjoy the precious time we have with our children while they are so little. Hang in there! Thanks for the encouragement
My question is: "Who is it that usually has a lengthy, ugly cry on a daily bases? :D
Advice: Live in the moment...goal...can I make it to lunch? Our daily question here at the resort
What made me laugh today? While babysitting Fez, while the Parkers lay on the beach of West Palm...Fez's owner called. She spoke to him eagerly through the phone lines...at the same moment...he heard the G's pull into the driveway and went crazy! Barking and carrying on poor Fez thought his owners were home! Little does he know...his visit will last til Sunday! Also, while walking their Fez and our El, little El usually does not like to walk around the block. She puts on the skids every 10 feet, however, with competion with the Fez, she broke a sweat and kept up the pace for the entire mile and a half! Both pups slept well! :D
Praising God for the blessing that even in the mist of your busy schedule of this season...if even for a short moment...you find a feast on the Truth of our Lord's Word! You encouraged and blessed me today!
Love always from the resort! God Bless, Ann
Hang in there Sarah! You are doing a wonderful job as wife and mommy. It is wonderful to see your priorities and goals for your family. Sometimes we have to realize that as much as we want to be SUPER mommy, wife, and homekeeper, some days we will fall short, but that does not mean we are failures. It is when we are down that we can feel our Lord lift us up. I think it is wonderful that you are finding things to laugh at, and with a toddler in the house, that shouldn't be too difficult. One of my goals for the first few weeks after bringing a baby home is to get a shower EVERYDAY. That 10 minutes of private, alone time can do wonders! Sometimes the shower came at 6am before Ezra left for work and sometimes at 10pm before crashing in bed or somedays somewhere in between when I could sneak it in during naps. My recommendation is just to find some time to take a quick breather for yourself. Either in the shower or some other time when you can meditate by yourself.
These days will pass and before long we are wondering where the time went. Enjoy it as best you can. I think it is just wonderful that you are documenting so much of your life with your children. What a treasure it will be for them when they are older.
Thanks for the reminder, Sarah. Praying that things will get easier for you (and they WILL) very soon. Newborns are so hard, but think of how sweet Phoebe is now, and what's to come.
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